Mixed Emotions

Today's picture was supposed to be of our baby's first ultrasound, but when I went to the doctor, there was no baby and I measuring at least two weeks behind. (I would be seven weeks along on Thanksgiving.) So, it looks like another miscarriage is imminent. It's really a mixed blessing.

Earlier this year, I decided I was happy with our two children. We went through a lot to get Jack here, and I didn't really want to face that heartache again. Plus, our family feels right with just two kids. However, the timing seemed almost perfect for us with this pregnancy. Sure, we would have to postpone our DC trip next summer, but I had originally wanted Jack to be born in July (so our birthdays would be every other month) after Mara's third birthday. My due date was July 11, just four months after Jack's third birthday.

If I'm going to miscarry, I would much rather do so before I even see a heartbeat. Having been through two prior miscarriages, it is definitely much easier. I feel bad because I know of others who so badly want to have another child. Even though this pregnancy wasn't planned, this baby would have been loved just as much as Mara and Jack, but these past few weeks have served as a reminder that I'm not in control.

I was in denial when I first found out I was pregnant, and I knew then that no matter what happens with this pregnancy, I didn't want to be pregnant again. I'm not saying we're going to take any permanent measurements to ensure we don't have kids, but I don't plan on having any more. God might have other plans, just like he did with this one.

I have a Willow Tree figure for each of our pregnancies/children, and I plan to continue that tradition with this one. I think I have decided to get this one, titled "Remember."

Surprise!

We were pretty sure our family was complete with two kids, but we were surprised today to find out that God has something else in mind. I had a feeling that I might be pregnant, and it was confirmed with a pregnancy test today. According to the calculations, my due date is around July 12. Guess that means we won't be taking the kids to Washington, DC, for our 15th anniversary next year. Probably for the best with the devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy. We can just postpone the trip a year and go as a family of five. I think this is going to take a while to sink in and process, though, because it really did come as a surprise.

Time and a new baby help heal wounds

It wasn't until this past weekend that I realized that I missed the two year anniversary of my first miscarriage on May 1. It stunned me when I realized it because I even talked about it at the birthday party Mara went to on Saturday, and it still didn't hit me until later that day. I kind of thought it would take longer for the pain and the ache of that miscarriage, but I guess having Jack in our lives has made a huge difference.

The Big Question

One of the questions we've been asked most often since Jack was born is if we're done because we have one of each. I don't know exactly how to answer it, and maybe we're not ready to give a response just yet.

I'm now in a position that I haven't been in since October 2007. I've either been pregnant or trying to get pregnant for the past two and a half years. To tell you the truth, I kind of miss it. I miss the possibility of being pregnant and actually being pregnant. Based on how I'm feeling right now, I'm pretty sure we're not done.

But who knows, maybe when the newness of having a baby around wears off and the postpartum hormones settle down, I might change my mind about having another and be perfectly content with two kids. At the same time, I've never been able to answer the question of how many kids do we want to have. So, for those of you who were wondering, we don't know, but don't be surprised if we have at least one more eventually.

Jack's birth story

Seventeen hours after my induction began, John Edgar IV, also known as Jack, made his entrance into the world.

We got to the hospital a little before 7:30 a.m. for my induction. After signing several forms, I went up to labor & delivery to put on the hospital gown and get hooked up to all sorts of monitors. My doctor came in to check me and to try to break my water around 8:30, but she couldn't really get it. I was hoping that I had progressed some on my own since the last time I saw her, but I was out of luck. So, I just had to wait it out on a Pitocin drip. 

I had heard horror stories about Pitocin and how much it hurt, but I didn't think it was that bad – at least to start off with. Yeah, it caused contractions, but those just felt like a tightening in my stomach, which I had been experiencing all weekend. Compared to the back labor I had with Mara, it was nothing in the beginning.

Speaking of Mara, she came with us to the hospital, and then my dad and Diane came to pick her up and take her to breakfast. After breakfast, they stopped back by because Mara was really concerned about me. They then took her to the American Girl Store so she could look around, but her mind was really on me. 

My doctor came in a little after 12:30 to break my water. The contractions started coming stronger, but they were still manageable. Both my doctor and my nurses could tell I wasn't progressing very fast because I never really needed to stop what I was doing when I had a contraction, and I wasn't dilating any further. I tried to walk around as much as possible, but they didn't want me off of the monitors for too long in case something happened. The nurses would periodically check on me and prepared the things that would be needed when Jack came since there was no going back after my water was broken.

After stopping by to see us again real quickly, Mara, Diane, and my dad went to pick up Lori, Mikey, and Lani from school. All of them came by to see how I was doing (still waiting for something to happen), and then they left for dinner. It got so late that everyone gave up on seeing baby Jack that day, and Mara eventually fell asleep at Mike and Myra's house. She wasn't too happy about it because she was worried about me, but we reassured her that she would come see us first thing the next morning and that Jack would be there one way or another.

As the day wore on, the contractions slowly got worse as my labor progressed and the nurses adjusted the amount of Pitocin I was getting, both up and down trying to kick start something, and I finally starting having a hard time getting through them around 7 p.m. I had a glider that I could rock in while waiting as well as a birthing ball. The night nurse also had me try a couple of different positions with a birthing ball to help alleviate some of the pain, but it was becoming more unbearable.

My goal going into this was to go without an epidural mainly because local anesthesia doesn't work very well on me. I finally gave in around 10:30 p.m. when I could no longer stay awake because of exhaustion, yet I couldn't sleep because of the pain. Plus, at that time, I was beginning to wonder if I would have to settle for a c-section, which I really didn't want, but I would much rather have an epidural just in case and not have to have general anesthesia. Both my doctor and nurse thought getting the epidural would help me relax and allow labor to progress. (I was still only a 5-6 after laboring all day and needed to be at a 10.) I don't remember too much about getting the epidural because I was in and out of consciousness from being so tired, but that was probably a good thing considering I felt the doctor stick it in my back last time. I do remember finally getting a more restful nap after getting the epidural.

Around 1 a.m., I started feeling really hard pressure that woke me up, and I knew it was time to push. I didn't know how long I could wait because the pressure was intense and constant (even though I had an epidural), but we had to wait until my doctor got in. She was at home asleep, and it took her a few extra minutes to come in since this was the first middle-of-the-night delivery she'd attended since moving into a new house across the street from the hospital. When she got there, they finished prepping everything, but it didn't take long until we were ready to go. After only a few minutes of pushing, Jack was here at 1:40 a.m.

Based on what I could feel after I had the baby, my doctor determined that the epidural did not work yet again. Luckily, the anesthesiologist also gave me a spinal, which is what helped relieve the pain and allow me to sleep.

The actual delivery part was fairly easy, but I can't say the same about the labor. I had hoped that being induced would mean that I wouldn't be in labor for 20 hours like I was with Mara. I guess that was still the case, but I still never dreamed of being in labor with Jack for 17 hours. However, it was definitely worth it. :)

I'm a little foggy on what happened after Jack got here, and I think most everyone else is too considering he came in the middle of the night. I know I didn't get all of the pictures I was hoping to get since everyone was still trying to wake up by the time he made his grand entrance, but at least he's here and he's healthy.

And now for more pictures from Jack's first few hours, starting with the last one of him in my belly with all of my wires draped around my neck.

We've already had a lot of visitors, and I'll be back tomorrow to post more pictures.

ETA 8/26: I wrote most of this while I was actually in labor. (Guess that shows how manageable it was for the longest time.) However, reading back through this several months later, I realized that I left out several details, including what Mara was doing during this time. So, I updated it to include a few more details.

ETA 9/14: There was something I completely forgot to mention here that I was reminded of with John's grandpa's passing. The funeral for John's grandma was scheduled for 2 p.m. on Monday (the day I was induced). Because of that, John predicted that Jack would be born around 2 p.m. He ended up being off by about 12 hours since Jack was born at 1:40 a.m.

Introducing John Edgar IV

John Edgar Haley IV, who we will be calling Jack, was born at 1:40 a.m. on Tuesday, March 9. He weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces, and is 20.75 inches long. We're all tired after a long day and night, but we are doing well.

I'll post more about his birth story later.

39 weeks down and no more to go

I am now 39 weeks, and tomorrow we should be holding our baby boy. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown. While not quite everything is ready, I think we've accomplished all that we can, and the rest will just have to wait until the baby is here.

Monday, March 1

We had Mara undergo a blind taste test with her fruit snacks tonight using her sleep mask. For some reason, she insisted that the Tinkerbell ones tasted different from any of the others. At first, she was just going to try to tell which color she was eating based on the flavor, but then we mixed in some Tinkerbell ones to prove that they are the same.

Tuesday, March 2

Today's picture is in my post from earlier this week. :)

Wednesday, March 3

We went to a new Chick-Fil-A that opened near us today. As part of the grand opening, they gave mini cows to all of the kids.

Thursday, March 4

We opted not to take a picture today, and instead use the pictures I posted Thursday of John's grandma.

Friday, March 5

We had Italian for dinner tonight, and Mara loved the bread that they serve.

Saturday, March 6

Mara attended a dance party for one of her friends' birthdays, and then she went with my family to a Texas Tornado hockey game.

Sunday, March 7

We declared today "Mara Day" since it is our last day as a family of three. We started off the day with breakfast at McDonald's, and then went to the mall so she could ride the carousel. After resting for a little bit, we played on the Wii. We also took my 39-week pictures as well as our last family of three picture. My work also sent us flowers in honor of John's grandma.

Possible daycare solution

We may have found an answer to our daycare issue. I discovered that there's a church just down the road from us that has daycare. It's one that I drive by every day on my way to and from work (when I don't have to drop off or pick up Mara). To top it off, one of my former youth pastors is a minister at that church.

Through a variety of events, I feel like God is drawing us to this church. I talked to the director on Monday, and there should be no problem getting us in when we need it. We plan to go visit the daycare a couple of weeks after the baby is born to make sure it's a good fit. If we like it, we'll have our kids in two different daycares for this summer, but I think it will all work out.

Almost ready

I went to my last doctor's appointment today. Thankfully, the baby has turned back to being head down. Now, he just needs to stay that way. During today's sonogram, they guesstimated his weight at 7 pounds, 7 ounces, which puts him right on target for 38 weeks, 2 days (how far along I'm into this pregnancy). I progressed a little bit, so hopefully I keep progressing so that everything goes well with my induction Monday.

I made sure to ask for pictures from today's sonogram, and the technician obliged. She was able to get a shot of his face looking at the "camera" even though his arm and hand are partially covering the left side of his face. The top of his head is on the right side of both pictures, and he already has chubby cheeks!

I know that I can more easily see what it's a picture of since I got to see him moving and everything, so I thought I'd also post a picture that points out all of the different parts to help everyone see exactly what is shown in the top picture.

One week to go!

Monday, February 22

John closed tonight, so Mara and I were on our own. After dinner, Mara pulled out her princess fishing game, and we played a while. That girl has really fallen in love with board games since Christmas. Makes it easy to know what to get her for her birthday, which is only a month away. ;)

Tuesday, February 23

Since neither one of the pictures planned for today turned out (no sonogram image and no snow here), I decided to take a picture to show what my belly looks like from my perspective. I did this when I was 39 weeks pregnant with Mara, and it's neat to look back and remember. I hope to take another one like this right before the baby's born, but we'll see if I remember.

Wednesday, February 24

We fixed ice cream cones for dessert tonight. While Mara doesn't like many dessert-type items, she loves chocolate ice cream. It's cute how she ends up with a chocolate mustache and beard when she's done.

Thursday, February 25

Tonight we went grocery shopping to stock the pantry. It had been getting pretty bare, but I wanted to have some things on hand so I didn't have to go to the grocery store for a few weeks.

Friday, February 26

Mara and Lani had fun playing at my dad's house while we visited with my Aunt Kathy, who was in town briefly this weekend.

Saturday, February 27

Mara didn't really want to cooperate, but we still managed to get a couple of group shots before Aunt Kathy had to leave town again.

Sunday, February 28

I can't believe that February is coming to a close and I am now 38-weeks pregnant. Mara is very excited to meet her little brother. Only one more week to go!

Turned around?

The baby was moving around a lot this morning and I've been feeling kicks near my ribs all afternoon and evening, so it looks like he turned around on his own and is once again head down. Yay! Now, he just needs to stay there and stop moving around so much. :)

Breech

I told a few people going into my appointment today that I would be surprised if there were no changes to my readiness for delivery based on the aches and pains I've been feeling this past week. What I didn't expect to discover was that the baby turned around and is now breech when he's been head down most of this pregnancy. Guess that's why I've been feeling more down low – that's where he's been kicking me!

We first found out about the breech position with today's sonogram today. It was just a quick one to check the baby's vitals (he scored an 8 out of 8), and no weight check this time since they only do those every other week. Sadly, I didn't get any pictures of the sleeping boy either even though the tech got a good shot of the front of his face for my doctor. I didn't even ask for pictures because I thought that last one of his face would be for us, and I didn't realize I wouldn't be getting it until the sonogram was over and she was putting it in my file. :(

So, I go back next Tuesday for another sonogram. This one will include a weight check, and I'll try my hardest to get a picture. It will most likely be my last visit before my induction. Can't believe it's so close! Hopefully the boy turns head down in the meantime. My doctor gave me some exercises I can do to help that happen. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Daycare plans

We're at a loss for what to do for daycare for the baby now. We put him on the waiting list at Mara's school back in September and asked to get him in at the end of May. Today, John found out that they won't be able to get him in until the end of June. What? They wait until we're about to have this baby to tell us that we'll have to wait a month longer to get him in when they've already known they needed a place for him for almost six months?

We were already considering switching the baby to a different daycare this fall – somewhere closer to home. Since Mara's going to be in kindergarten, we would like him to be at a place where we could send Mara to after-school care if necessary (depending on how things work out) or not have to drive far to pick him up if I'm able to work from home after school. That means we would be moving him toward the end of August anyway, so it looks like he might never go to Mara's school. And it seems silly to find a new school for Mara right now with just a few months left before she would be leaving the full-time daycare setting anyway, so we might have to have them in two separate places for a few months until Mara starts kindergarten.

With all that said, anyone have any suggestions for how to find a new daycare?

Full term

As of today, I am officially full term with this pregnancy. I feel a little better now that we (ahem, John) made some headway on the baby's room. The house still has a long way to go before I'm happy with it, but I think I'm OK with the baby coming at any time now.

Thursday, February 18

John set the bassinet up in our room so the kitties could go ahead and start adjusting to it. Brownie doesn't pay much attention to it, but Pixie, Puck, and Doxy love to get in it. They'll even camp out in the bottom portion of the bassinet. If you look closely, you can see Doxy in the basket under Pixie.

Friday, February 19

John finished painting the baby's room today (minus some touching up that will need to be done). Now, we just need to get the crib put together and get things in the room.

Saturday, February 20

Mara attended another birthday party today at a bounce place. She used to not like these places too much, but she's fallen in love with these the past couple of weeks – especially the slides. Now, she wants to have her birthday party at one of those places, but we're still trying to decide.

Sunday, February 21

Mara helped John touch up the paint in the baby's room, and then he set up the crib, which the cats quickly made into their bed. In fact, they are very interested in the room in general. Mara wasn't done painting yet, so she finally painted a dolphin sculpture that we bought at the Target dollar spot a couple of months ago.

March 8

We have a date. We now know that this baby will come on or before March 8.

My appointment for last Friday didn't happen because of the snow, and my doctor wanted we me go ahead and come in today for my 36-week appointment and sonogram. The main reason why my doctor didn't want me to wait until my appointment Friday is because of my history of miscarriages, which means this pregnancy is a little higher risk. She said that doctors aren't sure why but there is a correlation between a history of miscarriages and stillbirths at or after 40 weeks gestation. As a result, she doesn't want me to get to 40 weeks. Instead, if I haven't had the baby by March 8 (39 weeks, 1 day), I will go in that day for an induction.

Everything looked good on the sonogram. The baby's head measured big (38 weeks), but everything else was just fine. Based on estimates, he is measuring 36 weeks, 3 days (one day ahead),is 6 pounds, 3 ounces, and is in the 44th percentile for weight. Hopefully he'll be right around Mara's size if the measurements are correct because she was 6 pounds at my 36-week appointment with her and was 7 pounds, 15 ounces when she was born the day before her due date.

The baby did a good job letting the technician get his measurements, but he didn't really want to give us good shots. The technician wanted to make sure we got something from the visit, so we ended up with a couple of pictures of his foot, his spine, and his hand in front of his face. (His face is to the right of his hand in the top picture.) She also gave us a capture of his heart rate, which was 158 beats per minute.

There was one little thing wrong. One of the baby's kidneys is slightly enlarged, but that doesn't mean too much. Just that a valve might not be functioning quite like it should. They'll perform a sonogram after the baby's born while we're still in the hospital, but these things usually resolve themselves.

Also because of my history, I will be getting a sonogram at each of my appointments from now on, so I should have more pictures to share next Tuesday. Hopefully he'll cooperate a little better for us then. :)

Another week closer

Saturday, February 13

The snow is clearing up, so Mara was able to attend a birthday party for another one of her friends. She's never been too sure of the inflatable bounce places, but she had a lot of fun playing on all the different things.

Sunday, February 14

We celebrated Valentine's Day by watching Lani in her very first skating competition. She did a good job came in first in her group of five. (I'll post more pictures of her routine later.) I also reached the 36-week mark in my pregnancy today.

The Countdown Begins...

I am now 34 weeks pregnant. At my appointment on Friday, my doctor pointed out that I'm only three weeks until "term," meaning that they won't stop labor at that point. I've been telling people at work that I only had 4-6 weeks left because I want to at least make it through February, but three weeks seems so much shorter than four.

My doctor's appointment went well. The baby had the hiccups, and I got to hear them when my doctor went to listen to the baby's heartbeat. I also got a surprise when my doctor told me she wants to do another ultrasound at my next visit on February 12. I didn't think we'd get to see our little boy again until he was here. Now, John needs to rearrange his work schedule a little to see if he can be there too.

Here are my 34-week pictures. A lot of the goodies from our shower as well as some of the diapers we've picked up from sales this past week are in the background. We're keeping that stuff out of the baby's room for now until we can get everything straightened up in there, and hopefully it won't be too long before we have everything ready. Actually, it can't be too long since we don't have that much longer until he's here. :)