Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Happy Birthday to Me!
Well, the day is finally here. I'm now 32. It doesn't feel like my birthday, though. For the first time since we moved down here to Texas, I came to work on my birthday.
When I was driving in this morning, I heard there was a 20% chance of rain. I dismissed it, though, thinking it wouldn't rain. However, I didn't stop to think what today was. It almost always rains on my birthday or on the day we celebrate my birthday (or both), so it shouldn't have surprised me that it started storming and pouring down rain right around lunch today. At least it cooled down outside and made things much more bearable than the 95-degree heat we've been having.
When I was driving in this morning, I heard there was a 20% chance of rain. I dismissed it, though, thinking it wouldn't rain. However, I didn't stop to think what today was. It almost always rains on my birthday or on the day we celebrate my birthday (or both), so it shouldn't have surprised me that it started storming and pouring down rain right around lunch today. At least it cooled down outside and made things much more bearable than the 95-degree heat we've been having.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Random Thoughts
Flowers
When John picked Mara up from school the other day, she had to stop and pick a couple of flowers for me. Then, earlier today when we were leaving Half-Priced Books, she had to stop again and pick a flower for me. There really is nothing better than the innocence of a child picking a flower and giving it to you.
These aren't the flowers Mara picked for me. Instead, these are the beautiful tulips Shari & David gave me for my birthday, and I wanted to show them off. :)
Baby Bunnies
We've been seeing two bunnies off and on in our backyard for the past couple of weeks. The first time we saw a rabbit, it looked like it was trying to make a nest. Now, we know for sure that's what was going on. When John went to turn on the hose so Mara could play in the sprinkler last night, he found a baby bunny right next to the spigot. It was such a little bunny with a cute little white spot on it's head.
This is the large bunny we first spotted in our yard about a month ago. This is when we first suspected it might be building a nest (note the grass stuffed in the mouth).
Here's the medium-sized bunny...
And the baby...
And here's Mara looking at the baby bunny.
Playing in the Water
Speaking of the sprinkler, Mara got to play with her sprinkler ball tonight. She was a little hesitant to get wet at first, but she had a lot of fun once she got used to it. She's been bugging us for about two months to go swimming, so hopefully this will tide her over until we can get her to a pool.
Here's Mara in her new Ariel swimsuit. Everything is Ariel this year for Mara.
And enjoying her sprinkler ball...
As with the zoo pictures, the pictures are still on our cameras. Maybe I'll get around to taking them off of the camera one day this week, and I'll come back and add them. :)
ETA pictures!!!! (5/30)
When John picked Mara up from school the other day, she had to stop and pick a couple of flowers for me. Then, earlier today when we were leaving Half-Priced Books, she had to stop again and pick a flower for me. There really is nothing better than the innocence of a child picking a flower and giving it to you.
These aren't the flowers Mara picked for me. Instead, these are the beautiful tulips Shari & David gave me for my birthday, and I wanted to show them off. :)
Baby Bunnies
We've been seeing two bunnies off and on in our backyard for the past couple of weeks. The first time we saw a rabbit, it looked like it was trying to make a nest. Now, we know for sure that's what was going on. When John went to turn on the hose so Mara could play in the sprinkler last night, he found a baby bunny right next to the spigot. It was such a little bunny with a cute little white spot on it's head.
This is the large bunny we first spotted in our yard about a month ago. This is when we first suspected it might be building a nest (note the grass stuffed in the mouth).
Here's the medium-sized bunny...
And the baby...
And here's Mara looking at the baby bunny.
Playing in the Water
Speaking of the sprinkler, Mara got to play with her sprinkler ball tonight. She was a little hesitant to get wet at first, but she had a lot of fun once she got used to it. She's been bugging us for about two months to go swimming, so hopefully this will tide her over until we can get her to a pool.
Here's Mara in her new Ariel swimsuit. Everything is Ariel this year for Mara.
And enjoying her sprinkler ball...
As with the zoo pictures, the pictures are still on our cameras. Maybe I'll get around to taking them off of the camera one day this week, and I'll come back and add them. :)
ETA pictures!!!! (5/30)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Dallas Zoo
We had been promising Mara for a while now that as soon as John had a weekend day off, we would ride the train to the zoo. Well, that day finally came this past Sunday.
Mara loved the train ride. Almost daily, she gets to see the DART rail as she comes home from school, and she talks about the previous times she has ridden it.
When we got to the Dallas Zoo, we decided to head to the part of the zoo that had the gorilla exhibit, which we missed the last time we were there. That meant we had to walk through a tunnel under the road to get to that part of the zoo. Mara has been fascinated by bridges and tunnels for some time now (no idea why), so she was thrilled to actually be walking through a tunnel.
The first stop was at the penguins, where Mara was able to view one of them up close.
After that, we went to the gorilla habitat. I'm not sure how much they changed the exhibit since the gorilla escaped four years ago, but we couldn't see how another gorilla could escape with the current setup. It was really neat to watch them in their natural habitat.
After visiting the chimps and a variety of other animals, we took a quick break for lunch and then went to see some more animals. We didn't cover the whole zoo, but Mara was starting to run out of gas and really needed a nap. So, we headed back for the train without going to the kids zoo area, but I think we'll be back before too long so she can experience that area as well.
We also stopped to see the elephant. Sadly, she lost her mate a few days before we went to visit.
The pictures are still on the camera, but I'll come back and post some when I finally put them on the computer.
ETA the pictures are now up! (5/30)
Mara loved the train ride. Almost daily, she gets to see the DART rail as she comes home from school, and she talks about the previous times she has ridden it.
When we got to the Dallas Zoo, we decided to head to the part of the zoo that had the gorilla exhibit, which we missed the last time we were there. That meant we had to walk through a tunnel under the road to get to that part of the zoo. Mara has been fascinated by bridges and tunnels for some time now (no idea why), so she was thrilled to actually be walking through a tunnel.
The first stop was at the penguins, where Mara was able to view one of them up close.
After that, we went to the gorilla habitat. I'm not sure how much they changed the exhibit since the gorilla escaped four years ago, but we couldn't see how another gorilla could escape with the current setup. It was really neat to watch them in their natural habitat.
After visiting the chimps and a variety of other animals, we took a quick break for lunch and then went to see some more animals. We didn't cover the whole zoo, but Mara was starting to run out of gas and really needed a nap. So, we headed back for the train without going to the kids zoo area, but I think we'll be back before too long so she can experience that area as well.
We also stopped to see the elephant. Sadly, she lost her mate a few days before we went to visit.
The pictures are still on the camera, but I'll come back and post some when I finally put them on the computer.
ETA the pictures are now up! (5/30)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Sleeping Over
Mara had her first sleepover last night. After going to Fort Worth to celebrate Robert & Gracie's birthdays, we invited Lani to come home with us for the night since that worked best logistically. Besides, we had been talking about this for a while now, and the timing was just right.
When the girls found the plans for the night, they were inseparable. They kept running around holding hands and talking about how Lani was going to Mara's house for the night. They were really excited about what they were going to get to do. Both girls fell asleep on the way to our house, and they slept through the night.
When the girls found the plans for the night, they were inseparable. They kept running around holding hands and talking about how Lani was going to Mara's house for the night. They were really excited about what they were going to get to do. Both girls fell asleep on the way to our house, and they slept through the night.
Lani was a little disoriented when she woke up at one point this morning; but otherwise, they had a blast. The two of them played together all morning long, and then we went to one of Mikey's hockey games to drop Lani off with her parents.
I think we're planning on having the two girls stay at each other's houses more often now that we've seen they can do well with it.
However, before Mara can stay at Lani's, she needs to be completely potty trained. She's doing well so far. She didn't wear a Pull-Up during the day at all this past week. Sure, she had one or two accidents each day and still doesn't do #2 in the potty, but she's doing much better than she did when she was in Pull-Ups. The funny thing is that she does so much better when we are out than when we are home. So, it looks like we're nearing the end of the road with diapers/Pull-Ups with Mara. It will be nice when that journey is finally over.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Follow Up
Today was my follow-up appointment, and it went well. We had to wait a little bit more than usual to see my doctor, but the appointment itself was fairly quick.
My doctor maintains that we lost the baby due to a chromosomal defect, such as Turner syndrome. I asked her if viral infection I had in late February when I was only 5 weeks along contributed to the miscarriage, but she said the ultrasounds showed no sign of that (no calcification, no bloating). She said if it was a chromosomal issue that it's only a one percent chance of it happening again.
We can't try to conceive another child for two cycles. I was really hoping she would say we only had to wait one, but I guess we have to wait a little longer because of how far along I was in the pregnancy. The good news is that my body quickly recovered, and it shouldn't be too long of a wait for those two cycles.
On a positive note, two of our best friends had their baby yesterday. She delivered about four weeks early, but everything was fine with the baby other than needing to regulate her body temperature a little after birth. I got to visit with them for a little bit before and after my doctor's appointment, and the baby is a doll. I know I've said it before, but congratulations again, Shari and David! :)
My doctor maintains that we lost the baby due to a chromosomal defect, such as Turner syndrome. I asked her if viral infection I had in late February when I was only 5 weeks along contributed to the miscarriage, but she said the ultrasounds showed no sign of that (no calcification, no bloating). She said if it was a chromosomal issue that it's only a one percent chance of it happening again.
We can't try to conceive another child for two cycles. I was really hoping she would say we only had to wait one, but I guess we have to wait a little longer because of how far along I was in the pregnancy. The good news is that my body quickly recovered, and it shouldn't be too long of a wait for those two cycles.
On a positive note, two of our best friends had their baby yesterday. She delivered about four weeks early, but everything was fine with the baby other than needing to regulate her body temperature a little after birth. I got to visit with them for a little bit before and after my doctor's appointment, and the baby is a doll. I know I've said it before, but congratulations again, Shari and David! :)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mother's Day
This is a hard Mother's Day for me. This is the first Mother's Day without my mom. When you add that to what has happened the last 10 days or so, and I think you can see why today is difficult for me. But despite all this, I'm just going to make the best of the day and enjoy spending time with my little girl.
On the bright side, I originally though that John has to close tonight, which means he works 11 am to 8 pm (what I think is the worst shift since it means we don't have any time to do anything when he works those hours). Instead, he works from 9-6 and should come home early since he has some overtime to cut.
John and Mara went ahead and gave me my Mother's Day presents on Thursday so we would have some time to enjoy them. They got me a couple of games for the Wii (Mario Kart and Cooking Mama), and we've been having a lot of fun playing them. Tonight, we're going out to eat with my family. I have to decide where we're going to go, but it will be nice to spend some time with my family on this day.
On the bright side, I originally though that John has to close tonight, which means he works 11 am to 8 pm (what I think is the worst shift since it means we don't have any time to do anything when he works those hours). Instead, he works from 9-6 and should come home early since he has some overtime to cut.
John and Mara went ahead and gave me my Mother's Day presents on Thursday so we would have some time to enjoy them. They got me a couple of games for the Wii (Mario Kart and Cooking Mama), and we've been having a lot of fun playing them. Tonight, we're going out to eat with my family. I have to decide where we're going to go, but it will be nice to spend some time with my family on this day.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Getting Better
Each day is getting a little better. It's now been a week since my D&C, and I don't really have any aches and pains anymore. All this week, I just kept saying I just wanted to make it through the week, and I did finally. I'm slowly getting out of my funk and starting to feel a little better. I can now think of what happened last week without bursting out in tears. Looking back, it's hard to believe the wide range of emotions I've been through the past week or so.
Even though things are getting better, I decided to take the afternoon off today since John was off too. It was nice to spend some time together just the two of us while Mara was at school. It's a rarity that we get to do that.
Part of the time today was spent trying to set up our new computer. Yes, you heard that right – we finally got a new desktop computer. Our old one was nine years old (we got it right after our first anniversary), so we were way overdue. We found a really great deal on a computer at Best Buy that was actually mismarked, but they gave us the discounted price anyway. I told John that it was part of our 10th anniversary present to each other. The other part of our present will be a short weekend getaway somewhere. I think right now we're leaning toward Shreveport, Louisiana, but we'll see. I guess we should decide soon, though, since we only have about six weeks until our anniversary.
But going back to the original subject. I'm just going to keep pushing ahead. I'm ready to go back to my doctor to find out what she says, and then we should be back on the road to trying to conceive.
Even though things are getting better, I decided to take the afternoon off today since John was off too. It was nice to spend some time together just the two of us while Mara was at school. It's a rarity that we get to do that.
Part of the time today was spent trying to set up our new computer. Yes, you heard that right – we finally got a new desktop computer. Our old one was nine years old (we got it right after our first anniversary), so we were way overdue. We found a really great deal on a computer at Best Buy that was actually mismarked, but they gave us the discounted price anyway. I told John that it was part of our 10th anniversary present to each other. The other part of our present will be a short weekend getaway somewhere. I think right now we're leaning toward Shreveport, Louisiana, but we'll see. I guess we should decide soon, though, since we only have about six weeks until our anniversary.
But going back to the original subject. I'm just going to keep pushing ahead. I'm ready to go back to my doctor to find out what she says, and then we should be back on the road to trying to conceive.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Telling Work
Well, I did it. I finally told everyone at work that I was pregnant but lost the baby. It was difficult, and there was much crying on my part, but at least it's over. It's kind of ironic that I was waiting until my appointment last week (to make sure everything was OK) before I told everyone at work that I was pregnant. It's little things like that that make me wonder if I somehow knew something was up.
My work is very understanding about this time. My time off last week as well as yesterday afternoon are classified as "bereavement time," so I don't have to use PTO. They said I can claim 24 hours of bereavement (and probably get more if I need it), so I think I'm going to just take it easy and probably head home early most days this week since I still have 8 hours left.
On top of that, shortly after I got home from work yesterday, the doorbell rang. It was a bouquet of flowers from my work. I'm not sure who ordered them, so I don't no who to thank, but they are beautiful. When John got home from work, he showed me that he received a card from people at his work. It's nice to know that the people we work with care so much about us.
I know there are a few who still don't know everything that's happened, but that's because I don't know how to tell them in person or I don't want to send a random email with the news. I apologize if you're finding out by reading my ramblings of the last few days. It's so much easier for me to write how I'm feeling than to actually say it. I can still type words even though I'm crying while it's hard to speak them.
In addition to giving ourselves time to grieve, I'm also counting down the days to my doctor's appointment next Friday. I don't know what to expect going in to it, but I'm anxious to hear when we can start trying to conceive again. This baby will always have a special place in our hearts, but I still look forward to being pregnant again and having more children. I just have to keep reminding myself that it won't happen until the time is right.
My work is very understanding about this time. My time off last week as well as yesterday afternoon are classified as "bereavement time," so I don't have to use PTO. They said I can claim 24 hours of bereavement (and probably get more if I need it), so I think I'm going to just take it easy and probably head home early most days this week since I still have 8 hours left.
On top of that, shortly after I got home from work yesterday, the doorbell rang. It was a bouquet of flowers from my work. I'm not sure who ordered them, so I don't no who to thank, but they are beautiful. When John got home from work, he showed me that he received a card from people at his work. It's nice to know that the people we work with care so much about us.
I know there are a few who still don't know everything that's happened, but that's because I don't know how to tell them in person or I don't want to send a random email with the news. I apologize if you're finding out by reading my ramblings of the last few days. It's so much easier for me to write how I'm feeling than to actually say it. I can still type words even though I'm crying while it's hard to speak them.
In addition to giving ourselves time to grieve, I'm also counting down the days to my doctor's appointment next Friday. I don't know what to expect going in to it, but I'm anxious to hear when we can start trying to conceive again. This baby will always have a special place in our hearts, but I still look forward to being pregnant again and having more children. I just have to keep reminding myself that it won't happen until the time is right.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Moving On
It is now two days after my D&C, and life is slowly returning to normal. John went to work today, so it's just Mara and me for the day. I'm doing OK. I'm a little more weepy than usual, and I get a little achy if I do too much. I think the events of the past few days are starting to sink in, though, so my eyes tend to tear up a little more frequently than usual. Even though I was torn, I decided not to go to my friend's shower yesterday. I felt bad that I didn't go, but all of my friends told me they would have been surprised if I did show up.
I'm not sure how this will come across, but I'm glad this all happened now and not later on in the pregnancy or even after the baby was born. At my next appointment, we would have found out the baby's gender, and I think it would have been worse knowing for sure if our baby was a boy or a girl. As it is, we don't really want to know even if they could tell. Additionally, the reason I lost this baby was most likely that he/she would have been born with some sort of a defect. While I would willing and lovingly accept any baby that God blesses me with, I know that this baby is better off up in Heaven. I like to think that my mom is up there loving and taking care of our baby since we weren't able to.
There are still several people we haven't told. Mainly because I don't know how to. So, if anyone else finds out what happened by reading this blog instead of directly from one of us, I apologize. There is just no good way to address this in conversation. In fact, tomorrow I have to go to work and tell everyone why I was unexpectedly out of the office Thursday afternoon and all day Friday. It's not that I don't want them to know, but I have a feeling their sympathy will make me break out in tears.
On a final note, a while back I mentioned that I have no motivation to attend church or Sunday school right now. I just wanted to add that it is not because of my relationship with God. I am in no way mad at Him – even after all that has happened. I know that all things work together for good and that He has a plan for us. Apparently, His plans did not include us having a baby in 2008, and I'm slowly learning to accept that. But while we're not actively going to church and all that, we do appreciate any and all prayers that you are willing to give.
I'm not sure how this will come across, but I'm glad this all happened now and not later on in the pregnancy or even after the baby was born. At my next appointment, we would have found out the baby's gender, and I think it would have been worse knowing for sure if our baby was a boy or a girl. As it is, we don't really want to know even if they could tell. Additionally, the reason I lost this baby was most likely that he/she would have been born with some sort of a defect. While I would willing and lovingly accept any baby that God blesses me with, I know that this baby is better off up in Heaven. I like to think that my mom is up there loving and taking care of our baby since we weren't able to.
There are still several people we haven't told. Mainly because I don't know how to. So, if anyone else finds out what happened by reading this blog instead of directly from one of us, I apologize. There is just no good way to address this in conversation. In fact, tomorrow I have to go to work and tell everyone why I was unexpectedly out of the office Thursday afternoon and all day Friday. It's not that I don't want them to know, but I have a feeling their sympathy will make me break out in tears.
On a final note, a while back I mentioned that I have no motivation to attend church or Sunday school right now. I just wanted to add that it is not because of my relationship with God. I am in no way mad at Him – even after all that has happened. I know that all things work together for good and that He has a plan for us. Apparently, His plans did not include us having a baby in 2008, and I'm slowly learning to accept that. But while we're not actively going to church and all that, we do appreciate any and all prayers that you are willing to give.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Bad News
I started bleeding a couple of days ago, so I decided to move my 15-week appointment from tomorrow to today. I was pretty sure that I had felt the baby move this week, so I wasn't too worried about the appointment. However, I knew that I wanted John with me at the appointment no matter what.
After doing the routine things (urine sample and weight and blood pressure check), I went in to the room to wait on my doctor. The first thing my doctor did was look for the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. She couldn't find it, but since my uterus was right on track for how far along I was, she decided the baby was just hiding. She then checked my cervix, noting it was still closed and that she could see there was some blood down there. She then sent me in for an ultrasound. I caught a glimpse of the baby as soon as the ultrasound started and noticed that the baby wasn't moving around, but the technician moved on to measure something else before focusing on the baby. She then came back to the baby, and I noticed that he/she still wasn't moving. The technician then tried to hear the heartbeat, and there was nothing. She repositioned the machine, and still no heartbeat. That's when our worst fears were confirmed, and we went in to discuss our options with my doctor.
According to the ultrasound, it looks like the baby died just a few days after we got to see him/her at my last visit (just shy of 12 weeks). My uterus was right on target for 15 weeks, so my body is just now starting to realize that I don't have a live baby. That's the reason for the bleeding not starting until now.
There was nothing I could have done differently. It's most likely a chromosomal defect, something just didn't form right, or it would have a defect of some kind. We won't ever know, though, because the baby is too young to perform an autopsy. I'm not even sure if we'll be able to find out whether the baby was a boy or a girl since that's about the same time the gender becomes visible. I can't help but wonder if this all could have been prevented if I didn't get that viral infection back at the end of February. I wasn't even six weeks yet when I got sick, and that's a crucial time in development for the baby. Still, there was nothing I could have done to prevent the sickness.
Now, I go in tomorrow for a D&C. I could let the baby pass on its own, but my doctor said I'd be in a lot of physical pain. I don't think I could go through it anyway because the baby would be definitely be visible, and I don't think I could handle that. My doctor said I should be fine physically by Saturday, but who knows how I'll feel emotionally. I feel bad because I'm helping host a shower Saturday for my friend Melissa who is having twin girls later this year. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if I feel up to going.
After doing the routine things (urine sample and weight and blood pressure check), I went in to the room to wait on my doctor. The first thing my doctor did was look for the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. She couldn't find it, but since my uterus was right on track for how far along I was, she decided the baby was just hiding. She then checked my cervix, noting it was still closed and that she could see there was some blood down there. She then sent me in for an ultrasound. I caught a glimpse of the baby as soon as the ultrasound started and noticed that the baby wasn't moving around, but the technician moved on to measure something else before focusing on the baby. She then came back to the baby, and I noticed that he/she still wasn't moving. The technician then tried to hear the heartbeat, and there was nothing. She repositioned the machine, and still no heartbeat. That's when our worst fears were confirmed, and we went in to discuss our options with my doctor.
According to the ultrasound, it looks like the baby died just a few days after we got to see him/her at my last visit (just shy of 12 weeks). My uterus was right on target for 15 weeks, so my body is just now starting to realize that I don't have a live baby. That's the reason for the bleeding not starting until now.
There was nothing I could have done differently. It's most likely a chromosomal defect, something just didn't form right, or it would have a defect of some kind. We won't ever know, though, because the baby is too young to perform an autopsy. I'm not even sure if we'll be able to find out whether the baby was a boy or a girl since that's about the same time the gender becomes visible. I can't help but wonder if this all could have been prevented if I didn't get that viral infection back at the end of February. I wasn't even six weeks yet when I got sick, and that's a crucial time in development for the baby. Still, there was nothing I could have done to prevent the sickness.
Now, I go in tomorrow for a D&C. I could let the baby pass on its own, but my doctor said I'd be in a lot of physical pain. I don't think I could go through it anyway because the baby would be definitely be visible, and I don't think I could handle that. My doctor said I should be fine physically by Saturday, but who knows how I'll feel emotionally. I feel bad because I'm helping host a shower Saturday for my friend Melissa who is having twin girls later this year. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if I feel up to going.
Looking back, there were several signs that pointed to this happening. For some reason, each time I looked at the 11-week ultrasound, I couldn't help buy wonder if something was wrong with the baby. Now I have my answer. Also, Mara stopped answering us when we asked if the baby was her little brother or sister. On top of that, I haven't been sleeping well lately, and neither has Mara. Instead, she been wanting me in the middle of the night.
I had always hoped that I would be one of the few that would never have to experience what a miscarriage felt like. At least I know that our baby is in a better place now and that God will take care of him/her. We'll definitely have more children, and as of right now, I'm thinking the sooner the better. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what God's plans are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)