Well, I did it. I finally told everyone at work that I was pregnant but lost the baby. It was difficult, and there was much crying on my part, but at least it's over. It's kind of ironic that I was waiting until my appointment last week (to make sure everything was OK) before I told everyone at work that I was pregnant. It's little things like that that make me wonder if I somehow knew something was up.
My work is very understanding about this time. My time off last week as well as yesterday afternoon are classified as "bereavement time," so I don't have to use PTO. They said I can claim 24 hours of bereavement (and probably get more if I need it), so I think I'm going to just take it easy and probably head home early most days this week since I still have 8 hours left.
On top of that, shortly after I got home from work yesterday, the doorbell rang. It was a bouquet of flowers from my work. I'm not sure who ordered them, so I don't no who to thank, but they are beautiful. When John got home from work, he showed me that he received a card from people at his work. It's nice to know that the people we work with care so much about us.
I know there are a few who still don't know everything that's happened, but that's because I don't know how to tell them in person or I don't want to send a random email with the news. I apologize if you're finding out by reading my ramblings of the last few days. It's so much easier for me to write how I'm feeling than to actually say it. I can still type words even though I'm crying while it's hard to speak them.
In addition to giving ourselves time to grieve, I'm also counting down the days to my doctor's appointment next Friday. I don't know what to expect going in to it, but I'm anxious to hear when we can start trying to conceive again. This baby will always have a special place in our hearts, but I still look forward to being pregnant again and having more children. I just have to keep reminding myself that it won't happen until the time is right.
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