Trying again

It's been over two months now since we discovered we lost the baby, and we finally can start trying again. I have to admit, though, that I'm kind of scared heading into another pregnancy. I'm not typically a worrier, but I know I will be anxious until after I make it past the 15-week mark. I'll probably be that way until I'm holding the sweet baby in my arms, knowing that he/she is OK. I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control through all of this, and there is nothing I can do differently.

The other thing I have to overcome is the timing of the next pregnancy. If we get pregnant on our first try this time around, my due date will be about 10 days after Mara's birthday. I didn't really want our kids to have birthdays that close together, but I also didn't plan on not having another child until after Mara's fourth birthday and I don't really want to hold off much longer. However, only God knows if we will be successful this month. I know that everything happens in God's timing, and I've come to accept that I can't be so particular on when we'll have another child. This last pregnancy definitely proved I can't decide/control that. :)

While my miscarriage has had a big impact on me, I am so thankful that it happened after we had Mara and not before. I can't imagine the heartache we would have gone through if we didn't already have a child to love and cuddle when we were down. I am thankful every day that we have her in our lives. Some days, she is a typical three-year-old and we butt heads, but I wouldn't have it any other way.